And This Whole Time I Thought I Was Just Mean…

What It’s Like Being An INTJ

Aaron tells me I was stuck up in high school.  Which hurts my feelings.  I wasn’t stuck up.  I just liked to keep to myself.  I enjoyed alone time.  I liked hanging out with my best friends, but I didn’t like parties.  I was a natural leader (student gov, orchestra, tennis, church), but sometimes “anti-social.”  I was a walking contradiction.  I wasn’t shy, but It took me a long time to make friends.  No “fast friends” ever happened.  I didn’t like small talking with people.  I liked going to bed early.  I hate lingering.  I am an open book when people ask.  But if people don’t ask, don’t expect a lot out of me.  I never thought I was a brat, but it’s clear I was observed that way.

1-4% of the population is just like me.  And our personality is defined as INTJ.

INTJs are the rarest of sixteen personality types determined by The MBTI assessment  from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl G Jung.  You should look into this and find the personality type that you fall under.  It is insanely accurate.  This is more than the red, yellow, blue, white personality bs.

The MBTI preferences indicate the differences in people based on the following:

  • How they focus their attention or get their energy (extroversion or introversion)
  • How they perceive or take in information (sensing or intuition)
  • How they prefer to make decisions (thinking or feeling)
  • How they orient themselves to the external world (judgment or perception)

My personality type is INTJ.  Meaning:

  • I – Introversion preferred to extraversion: INTJs tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations (whereas extraverts gain energy).
  • N – Intuition preferred to sensing: INTJs tend to be more abstract than concrete. They focus their attention on the big picture rather than the details and on future possibilities rather than immediate realities.
  • T – Thinking preferred to feeling: INTJs tend to value objective criteria above personal preference. When making decisions they generally give more weight to logic than to social considerations.
  • J – Judgment preferred to perception: INTJs tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability, which to perceptive types may seem limiting.

INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals.  Call me cliche, but I always had a burning desire to be different.  I have always had a hard time loving things that were popular, simply because they were popular.  I refuse to listen to top 40 music.  Because it’s mainstream.  However, I am not a hipster.  Sounds contradictory, but I assure you, it’s not.  It is in my genes.
They tend to be pragmatic, logical, and creative.  My whole life is a statement of creative flair from one end to the other.  My soul is happiest when creation is involved.
They have a low tolerance for spin or rampant emotionalism.  When I read through my news feed on Facebook, I roll my eyes at journal-entry statuses.  I know people have emotions.  I do too.  And I talk about them in private with the people who they concern.  I don’t feel like everyone needs to know that I am in a fight with my old college room mate.  That’s silly.
They are not generally susceptible to catchphrases.  I will punch the next person who says “I’m not gonna lie.”
They do not readily accept authority based on tradition, rank, or title. Show me you are qualified, and I will take you seriously.
Hallmarks of the INTJ include independence of thought and a desire for efficiency.  My mother and father, and everyone who knows me, agrees that I am fiercely independent.  I love knowing that I could happily survive on my own.  I can meet my own needs.  Everything else is a bonus.  Inefficiency is, and always will be, my biggest pet peeve.
They harbor an innate desire to express themselves by conceptualizing their own intellectual designs.  Isn’t that the whole point of creating?  For me, it always has been.
In forming relationships, INTJs tend to seek out others with similar character traits and ideologies.  True.  Simply true.
By nature INTJs can be demanding in their expectations.  I have always expected so much from others.  Not for them to do things to me… but expectations in their character.  I see peoples’ potential, and I am disappointed when they obviously aren’t living up to it.  It’s not because I’m mean, it’s because I have a deep heart, and I want them to find happiness and success.
They generally withhold strong emotion and do not like to waste time with what they consider irrational social rituals. This may cause non-INTJs to perceive them as distant and reserved; nevertheless, INTJs are usually very loyal partners who are prepared to commit substantial energy and time into a relationship to make it work.  Yup yup.  I don’t know what more I can say, other than, that is my whole life.  INTJs feel deep emotions, but don’t share them to the world.

A wonderful quote about INTJs:
“INTJs are strong individualists who seek new angles or novel ways of looking at things. They enjoy coming to new understandings. They tend to be insightful and mentally quick; however, this mental quickness may not always be outwardly apparent to others since they keep a great deal to themselves. They are very determined people who trust their vision of the possibilities, regardless of what others think. They may even be considered the most independent of all of the sixteen personality types. INTJs are at their best in quietly and firmly developing their ideas, theories, and principles.”
—Sandra Krebs Hirsch

At times, INTJs seem cold, reserved, and unresponsive, while in fact they are almost hypersensitive to signals of rejection from those they care for. In social situations, INTJs may also be unresponsive and may neglect small rituals designed to put others at ease. For example, INTJs may communicate that idle dialogue such as small talk is a waste of time. This may create the impression that the INTJ is in a hurry—an impression that is not always intended.  “Hypersensitive to signals of rejection” is my heart’s main song.  I always feel so sad when my friends, siblings, or whoever isn’t interested in my friendship.  I take it hard.  Relationships matter to me.  

INTJs collects data in the present moment and compares it with past experiences. This process sometimes evokes the feelings associated with memory as if the subject were reliving it. Seeking to protect what is familiar, they draw upon history to form goals and expectations about what will happen in the future.  I always have been retrospective.  Always comparing my past to my present, and learning from it.  That’s how my brain has always been wired to think.  

INTJ characteristics

Image source here.

TLDR: So next time you think I’m anti-social or mean… I’m not, k?


The facts in this article are sourced here.

3 thoughts on “And This Whole Time I Thought I Was Just Mean…”

  1. I’m so glad you shared this I can relate to it 100% and I was looked at the same way in school but I liked to keep to myself also unless it was a small group of my close friends. Thank you Kenz this really was nice to read.

  2. I’m so glad you shared this I can relate to it 100% and I was looked at the same way in school but I liked to keep to myself also unless it was a small group of my close friends.

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