Mom’s First Birthday
This month has been incredibly emotional for me as I’ve thought of Evelyn’s approaching birthday.
Normally I don’t get emotional while I write. But I can’t help it this time. No one warned me about how difficult it is seeing your baby turn one. My eyes are wet. My throat is tight. My heart is achy.
Why? Why is watching your baby grow up so emotional? I’ve tried really hard to figure out WHY I’m feeling this way.
This video sums it up. (Make sure to turn on the English subtitles.)
Tears. Every time. That video makes me weep, haha.
We survived one year together. Every single day. We survived me getting strep when Evelyn was only 2 weeks old. We survived a very dark and difficult 6 weeks of more than just the baby blues; a very heavy PPD. We survived stitches on Evelyn’s face. We survived living in an unfinished basement. We survived 3 ER visits. We survived 5+ ear infections and ear tube surgery. But we did more than survive. We thrived.
These past 365 days have been the hardest, and the absolute best of my entire life. I never really considered myself a “nurturer.” I was afraid to become a mother. I didn’t know if I ‘had it.’ Being a mum takes a lot of work, but I was amazed at the flood of nurturing feelings and instincts that came, when I put forth effort. I felt my physical and emotional role as a mother naturally blossom. I didn’t know ‘what to do,’ or ‘how to be a mom.’ But we have learned and grown together.
By no means am I an expert-mother. Each day is a new adventure and I’m faced with new challenges.
I wish I could write the feelings in my heart for the love I have for our beautiful daughter Evelyn Faye Crowder. It makes me cry when I think about it. It is a love so strong. It’s a love that cannot be broken by a thousand armies. It’s a love that would sacrifice anything and everything, even your own life if necessary. It is a love more precious than all the diamonds and gems owned by the Queen of England and the Shane Co combined!
This year I have learned:
That my needs do not come first.
It is important to apologize when you make a mistake. Even to a baby.
Babies are quick to forgive. And I should be too.
A little patience goes a long way.
Being flexible makes everything a little easier.
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness.
Family is EVERYTHING.
I feel so blessed in my posterity. I know there were no mistakes with which baby got sent to Aaron and I. I know that Evelyn is the right fit in our family. I know we are the right parents for her. I know she is the right child for us. I’m so grateful for this special year Evelyn and I have had together.
Happy birthday, baby.
Thank you to Valery Bunnell Photography for perfectly capturing Evelyn during her cake smash!