Dealing With Negativity

Dealing With Negativity

Dear Evelyn,

No matter how kind you try to be, no matter how much you try to please everyone, no matter how accommodating you think you’re being, it won’t be enough.  But it isn’t because you’re not enough.

There will be people who choose to be upset.  There will be people who choose not to like you.  There will be people who have the wrong idea about you.  There will be people who put you down.  There will be people who make you feel bad.

And it will suck.

It’s the hard part of life.

You’ll feel bad.  You won’t understand why.  You’ll be sad because you feel like you’ve tried so hard, and it wasn’t good enough.

These people might be friends.  They might be your siblings.  They might be coworkers.  They might be neighbors.

If you’re like me, you’ll take it personally.  You’ll want to retreat.  You’ll want to disappear because you don’t like the feeling of letting people down.  It might feel like too much to deal with.

You’ll hear people say negative things about you.  And you’ll think, “No!  They have the wrong idea!  They don’t understand the whole picture.”  And it hurts.  And it makes you sad.

But it’s part of life.  And you can’t change someone else.  You can’t change what people choose to think and believe.

There are things you have control over, and there are things you don’t.

You have control over you.  There is a lot of power that comes with that realization.

No one’s opinion of you matters.  If you are trying to be the best person you can be, then what else is there to do?

It’s so difficult to not take other people’s actions personally.  But the best thing to remember is to simply be kind.  Everyone is fighting a battle.  And most times when someone’s actions are negative toward you, it’s most likely because they are dealing with their own battle, and they are hurt.  The best thing you can do is to love.

If you let someone else’s negativity affect you, you are allowing your spirit to be poisoned.

So always remember, the best way to deal with negativity is to be kind and not take it personally.  Never give up on yourself.  You are enough.

Everything is always okay in the end.
So if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.

I love you, and nothing you can do will ever make me stop loving you.

Love, Mum.

 

Happy Anniversary

The cutest love-babies I’ve ever seen…Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Happy Anniversary

Married in the temple

It’s been a heckofa year.  365 more days in love.

To remember the year we ate way more chicken nuggets than we should have (thanks a lot, pregnancy):

chicken nugs

I’m glad I got to have your baby.  I’d do it a million more times.  Maybe.

I want to have your babies

i love you gif

 

Thanks for the beautiful love Aaron Crowder.

Mortality

Sick Baby

 

I have heard mamas say watching your child be sick or struggle is one of the most painful things to go through.  I always thought “Yeah, that would be hard.”  I had no idea HOW hard until I experienced it for myself.

I had my first life experience watching my child, of my own flesh and blood, get sick, and not be able to fix it.

I’m a problem solver.  When things are broken, I fix them.  When there’s a problem, I find a solution.  When others are having a hard time, I want to fix it for them.

I had to watch Evelyn suffer.  She was miserable without understanding.  She would look at me helplessly with her sick eyes, begging for me to fix it.  And I couldn’t.  I had to listen to her cough til she would throw up.  My heart would break.  So many times I wished that I could be the one sick if she could be healthy.  I would rather carry the burden for her.

Even asleep, she looked miserable.  This lasted for two weeks.

Sick Baby

 

I’ve found that often the hardest experiences I’ve gone through, are the most spiritual, and the times I’m the most teachable.

So badly I wanted to teach Evelyn about my favorite scripture, D&C 122:7-9.

7 And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

8 The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

9 Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass. Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

When Joseph Smith was in the middle of what seemed to be the most miserable experience of his life, he asked for it to be taken away.  Heavenly Father didn’t.  I love the whole passage where he explains that all experiences shall be for our good.

But my favorite line is “hold on thy way.”  This phrase got me through the toughest times in my life.  It’s the most tender way of saying endure to the end.

God didn’t take away the pain of the atonement for the Savior.  And as a parent, I can’t imagine how painful it was to watch.  I watched Evelyn have a cold, and that just about did me in.  To watch your Son take on the pains of entire mankind would be excruciating.

It may sound silly, but I feel closer to my Heavenly Father after this experience.  And I know He will always give us strength to get through our mortal trials.  That’s why we are here.  He loves us, and it IS hard for Him to watch us go through hard things.  But that doesn’t take His love away from us.  It increases.

So Evelyn, this is the first of many trials in your life.  Hold on thy way!

Love

I’m not a smart man, but I know what love is.
Forrest Gump

Forrest wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, and neither am I. We’re all born with an innate understanding of what Love is. The difference is that Forrest didn’t lose that understanding over time. His mind wasn’t clouded with what the world wants you to think Love is.

The world portrays Love most frequently as lust. Lustful feelings can often be confused with Love in the moment. However there are a few key differences that I want to highlight here.

Love

  • Love is Selfless, lust is selfish
  • Love changes us for the better, lust entrenches us in our bad habbits
  • Love allows us to have a greater understanding of those we truly love, lust only clouds our thoughts and makes us judgemental
  • Love gives us courage, lust makes us cowards

I thought that I understood Love when I married my wife. I thought I understood it when I found out she was pregnant. I even thought I understood it when our sweet daughter was born.

It wasn’t until very recently that I came to understand this last thing about Love:

  • Love grows over time, lust diminishes every day

This is what Forrest understood that most of us don’t. His Love for Jenny grew consistently every single day because he allowed it to. He nurtured it’s growth. He understood that you get out of Love what you put into it. This is something that Jenny didn’t come to understand until she was near the end of her life.

My hope is that those close to me can come to understand and embrace this truth so that they may come to know the pure joy that comes along with it.

On Being Awesome

I know this has been circulating around your Facebook and other social media.  If you haven’t seen it, take the time to watch it.  It’s adorable and extremely motivational.  And if you don’t have time to watch it, read it below.

I think we all need a pep talk.

The world needs you to stop being boring. Ya- you!

Boring is easy.  Everybody can be boring. You’re good or not. Life is not a game people. Life isn’t a cereal either. Well, it is a cereal. And if life is a game aren’t we all on the same team? I mean really, right? I’m on your team, you’re on my team.

This is life people, you got air coming through your nose, you got a heartbeat. That means it’s time to do something.

Continue reading “On Being Awesome”

Two little Alarm Clocks

We have two alarm clocks. Some people call them dogs, but most days I call them “our little alarm clocks”.

Indy the Alarm Clock

Buster the Alarm Clock

In the interest of full disclosure though, Indy is a much better Alarm Clock. I shouldn’t really be the one telling you about this though, Kenz is the one they always wake up. And once she’s up, they’re back to sleep.

Sleeping Alarm Clocks

Once Kenz is up, she can’t go back to sleep. Instead, she blogs! We have a good couple of alarm clocks 🙂

And This Whole Time I Thought I Was Just Mean…

What It’s Like Being An INTJ

Aaron tells me I was stuck up in high school.  Which hurts my feelings.  I wasn’t stuck up.  I just liked to keep to myself.  I enjoyed alone time.  I liked hanging out with my best friends, but I didn’t like parties.  I was a natural leader (student gov, orchestra, tennis, church), but sometimes “anti-social.”  I was a walking contradiction.  I wasn’t shy, but It took me a long time to make friends.  No “fast friends” ever happened.  I didn’t like small talking with people.  I liked going to bed early.  I hate lingering.  I am an open book when people ask.  But if people don’t ask, don’t expect a lot out of me.  I never thought I was a brat, but it’s clear I was observed that way.

1-4% of the population is just like me.  And our personality is defined as INTJ.

Continue reading “And This Whole Time I Thought I Was Just Mean…”